Savvy Samplers Lists |
Below you will find my various lists; a list of Regular Available Samplers, The Available Corporate Series, Gifted or Sold Unavailable Samplers, The Treasures of Spam Series and a list of New Sayings to Embroider. I also plan to embroider new versions of the ones that have been Gifted or Sold (in some cases I have already done that. |
Regular Samplers, Available:
It’s The Man Keeping Us Down.
…busier than a three-legged hog on ice…
Bort
All Talk, No Walk.
Turn hobbies into profit.
Put up or shut up.
“Trying is the first step towards failure.”-Homer Simpson
“Even the stupid hate being made to look foolish.”
What am I, Kreskin?
“You can’t keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once and move on.”- Homer Simpson
That sh*t don’t flush.
…better than a sharp stick in the eye…
It Was Like That When I Got Here.
If it was up your a**, you’d know it.
That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable.
“It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”-Homer Simpson
“You’re saying butt-kisser like it’s a bad thing!”-Homer Simpson
“Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.” - Homer Simpson
I don’t like playing dumb, but sometimes I just have to.
“Television – teacher, mother, secret lover.”-Homer Simpson
why bother…
“You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try.’”-Homer Simpson
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.
I’m With Stupid.
Don’t do as I do. In fact, don’t even do as I say.
If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
It All Comes Back To Bite You In The Ass.
Sh*t or get off the pot.
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.
Luck can’t last a lifetime unless you die young.
“Some people call it stupidity; I like to call it cleverness.”
Familiarity Breeds Contempt.
If you want to get out of a hole, stop digging.
“Remember that when you reach for the stars, they’re too far away, so it’s hopeless.-Wally from Dilbert
For a good time, call someone else.
Amazingly enough, I don’t give a shit.
I may be wrong, but at least I’m interesting.
…and the horse you rode in on.
It’s hard to be objective when you only see the universe from your point of view.
We’ve been through a lot together and most of it was your fault.
I’m no longer a danger to society.
Let’s keep compromising until we reach mediocrity.
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Corporate Series, Available:
Uninstalled • Harmonization • Separated • Terminated • Revector • Right-Sized • Brightsizing • Downsized • Reengineering • RIF • Career-Change Opportunity• Rightshored • Decruitment • Cashier • Smartsizing • Nearshoring • Create Synergies • Discharged (euphemisms for being fired)
Rocks On The Runway • Low-Hanging Fruit • Throw Against The Wall • Dog And Pony Show • Running With Scissors • Analysis Paralysis • Throw Under The Bus
At The End Of The Day • Peeling The Onion • Unsiloing • Brain Dump • Drink The Kool-Aid • Duck-Rowed • Robust • Step Up To The Plate • Win-Win • Synergy
A clean stall is the sign of a dead horse.
Great Idea, Boss!
“We need to get more blood from the turnip.”
Don’t sh*t where you eat.
Do even more to move the needle.
Attack the person, not the problem.
Attack the problem, not the person.
We need to move the needle by putting more wood behind the arrow, but in the process, making sure we don’t boil the ocean.
Thrown under the bus.
Haven’t apes evolved to the point where they could do this job?
My attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
You can’t turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood: last minute panic.
Always question my authority especially when it doesn’t make sense.
Somebody should be responsible for that.
“People say the glass is half-full. But they don’t say of what.”-Sourpuss from Dilbert
You got time to lean, you got time to clean.
When You Win, You Lose.
“So as we can see, it’s going to be effective with a capital A!”-Marketing Director
Set goals that can be achieved – and are worth achieving!
You can roll shit in coconut and sell it.-Advertising Wisdom
You can wrap shit in cellophane and sell it.-Advertising Wisdom
None of us is as dumb as all of us.
At the office… Worker #1: “I guess worst case scenario is they call me in for an interview, then shoot me, and kick my dead corpse in the balls.” Worker #2: “Yeah. That would be the worst case.”
Anyone telling me to have fun at meetings better think again.
You need to have a sense of urgency, but a relaxed urgency where you don’t hurry anyone else but you.
Hard work always pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.
Just because you’re necessary doesn’t mean you’re important.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Bleeding Edge • Long Pole • Optimize • Outside The Box • Strategic Gap • Delayering • Smell Test • Best Of Breed • Action Items • Dumbsizing • Wood Behind The Arrow • Boil The Ocean • Paradigm
Mission Critical • Process-Flow Analysis • Whatever It Takes • Play Nicely In The Sandbox • Watercooler Games • Core Competency • Blip On The Radar
Check One: Misery loves company. The company loves misery.
An emergency on your part does not necessary constitute an emergency on my part.
Start each day with a six-pack. …of ideas!
Don’t let the door hit you in the a** on the way out.
Management: “We’ve got to keep the inertia going.”
Management: “We’re not trying to boil the ocean here.”
There is no “I” in team. There is, however, an “m” and an “e”.
Your emergency is not my emergency.
If you don’t come in Sunday, don’t come in Monday.
“We are a team. If you cannot work on your day off, you are not a very good team member.”
Welcome to The Electronic Sweatshop.
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Treasures of Spam Series, all available unless noted:
[Timidly] 74% off Vicodin monetary darn - Sybella Health
Dana sharing novelty – Vicky
I Await Your Respond - William John Esq.
And want in cougar stonework - Jonas Otto
Or talk be dollar paillass - Lemual Riley
Renew Your Aliveness – Milton
My Friend, You are in Trouble - Earl Chaney
soft Priviledged Website, Universal PPharmacy. appreciable .- Elliot Villa
Allyn, I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill - Cornelius Riley
the swirly tedium - Tedi Tillman
Arranging objects over and over - Clair Hankins
Are Your Chemicals Inbalanced? - Nina Piper
Abdominal TOP quality software courteous - Morgan Hargrove
Mr. T vs. Forest Gump - Frank Lashonda
Lagging effete sloth - Nelda Nickerson
Get rich slowly, but get rich! - Idala Saphire
remember your teen years? euthanasia - Amber McCann
Ex clusive P harmacxeutical-Ghadir Bosch
Some unknown facts about rkwcstqpiflmcf - Marion Mason
Add up substantial spice to your liveliness - Eddie Thacker
I Crave Your Indulgence - Luisa Pimentel Estrada (UNAVAILABLE)
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Gifted or Sold:
It’s The Man Keeping Us Down. (3 versions)
Paisley design
It Was Like That When I Got Here.
You Touch It, You Own It.
A Clean Stall Is The Sign Of A Dead Horse. [8x10 sampler-style version with alphabet]
My attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
“Hey, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”-Homer Simpson
Some stuff matters – and some stuff doesn’t!
Ideally, everything would be perfect.
One planet, one person…Please!
It was better before I got here.
Some stuff matters – and some stuff doesn’t!
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
It’s hard to be objective when you only see the universe from your point of view.
A clean stall is the sign of a dead horse.
We’re reengineering a new paradigm shift to promote synergies.
It Was Like That When I Got Here.
Ideally, everything would be perfect.
If you can’t do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.
“I want to share something with you – the three sentences that will get you through life.
Number one, ‘cover for me.’
Number two, ‘oh, good idea, boss.’
Number three, ‘it was like that when I got here.’”
-Homer Simson
[8x10 version]
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Bad things don’t happen to people who don’t care.
“When you’re serious about having fun, it’s not much fun at all.”-Calvin and Hobbes
It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
You Touch It, You Own It.
Relatively, everything is under control.
Treasures of Spam: I Crave Your Indulgence - Luisa Pimentel Estrada
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New Sayings To Embroider:
A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.
A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
A Martyr is a Person Who Is Married to A Saint.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
All pigs are fed, watered and ready to fly…
An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience. – From Dilbert
Anyone going slower than me is an idiot; anyone going faster than me is a maniac.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Because he can.
Because I said so.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.
Cater to the poor and live with the rich.
Cater to the rich and live with the poor.
Customer service associate to graphic artist: Yeah, I just wanted to get your uninformed opinion on that file.
Customer Service Rep to Graphic Artist: “I just wanted to get your uninformed opinion on that file.
Did you fuck with it?
Did you get any on you?
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. When did ignorance become a point of view? – From Dilbert
Don’t get your hair on fire.
Don’t sugarcoat it.
Don't go to bed mad; stay up and fight.
Eatin’s not cheatin’.
Editor: “I know it’s not truthful to say we’re still generating responses to your proposal, but it’s better than saying we’re drunk and lazy.”
Everyone has issues. Stop making it a competition.
Female coworker: “If I don't get into law school, I'll just get knocked-up and be a house wife. I call it 'Plan B.'”
For every winner there are dozens of losers and odds are, you are one of them.
Future benefits result from hard work. Laziness has immediate results today.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else. (maybe I won’t do)
Hey, I may be dumb but I’m not stupid.
How can I miss you when you won’t go away? – Dan Hicks
How Lyle (Warren Beatty) talks Chuck (Dustin Hoffman) off the ledge in Ishtar: “Hey, it takes a lot of nerve to have nothing at your age. Don't you understand that? Yeah, most guys would be ashamed, but you've got the guts to just say, ‘To hell with it.’ You say that you'd rather have nothing than settle for less. Understand?”
I am the man from Nantucket.
I deserved this.
I don’t give a rat’s ass.
I don't care about the poisoned Russian. Just give me the bong!
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on. – Oscar Levant
I have all the money I ever need if I die tomorrow.
I heart Global Warming.
I heart my fuckbuddy.
I know how you feel. I just don’t care.
I know it's not truthful to say we're still generating responses to your proprosal, but it's better than saying we're drunk and lazy.
I live to serve; my life is service.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
I started at the bottom and I kind of like it there.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
I wish I was a teenager again because back then I knew everything.
I work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid enough not to quit.
I’m happy. Don’t ruin it.
I’m up to my earlobes in alligators.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. – Murphy’s Law
If I had half a mind I’d be twice as smart as you.
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
If I want your opinion I will give it to you.
If you don’t like my attitude, stop talking to me.
I'm up and dressed, what more do you want?
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?...
It’s always about you, isn’t it?
It’s hard to keep up with who’s stabbing who in the back.
It’s not that I’m lazy; I just don’t care.
It's a catastrophic success!
It's better to cheat than to repeat!
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
Just show up.
Learn to live poor.
Let's face it, if you could be all that you could be, you wouldn't be working here...
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Manager: “We are not going to use anyone as an escaped goat.”
Meandering to a different drummer.
Mistakes have been made and others will be blamed.
More Corporate Buzzwords and Phrases: Cohesive, In the weeds, That’s not my job, Ownership, Click and mortar, Levelized, Close the loop, Let’s strategize, The dominant paradigm, Revenue stream, Sea change, Blue sky, Merger of equals, Spitballin’, Throw darts, Move the needle, Bandwidth, In the weeds, The dominant paradigm.
More Corporate Buzzwords, getting fired and related stuff: Cost efficiencies, Trim the fat, Cut the deadwood, Reframe the career ladder, Career lattice, Career trellis, Up is not the only way, Shit-canned, Streamline, Capsizing, Downaging, Pink slip party, Worklessness, Surpluses.
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me. –
Benjamin Disraeli
My sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
Never ask a question unless you know exactly who is asking, why it is being asked and what will be done with the information.When did ignorance become a point of view? – From Dilbert
No.
Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.
Overheard in the office: 12PM Start Shopping for Curtains: Female coworker: If I don't get into law school, I'll just get knocked-up and be a house wife. I call it 'Plan B.'
People are more opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
Pick two: fast, cheap, good.
Reality Bites
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. -
Oscar Wilde
Some people get lost in thought because it's such unfamiliar territory. -
G. Behn
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.-
Ashleigh Brilliant
Sometimes there’s a fine line between making people happy and getting them to shut up.
Stabulum mundum mortum equum significat. (The Latin translation of “A clean stall is the sign of a dead horse.”)
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
The discovery of the good taste of bad taste can be very liberating.” – Susan Sontag
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. – From Dilbert
When did ignorance become a point of view? – From Dilbert
There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
To be a successful manager, you must learn to be insensitive to the needs of your employees.When did ignorance become a point of view? – From Dilbert
Today is a good day for change!
Trash is truth.
Was it good for you?
We don’t drop the ‘F-bomb’ around here.
We kinda have a policy we sorta have to follow.
Welcome to my world.
Well, aren’t we just a ray of fucking sunshine.
What do you mean, “we”? You got a mouse in your pocket?
When did ignorance become a point of view? – From Dilbert
Who moved my cheese? Who stole my cheese? Whose cheese should I move? Can I move your cheese? Who dares to move my cheese? I don’t bother to move your cheese. No more cheese!
Why should I fire you when I can make your job miserable and make you quit?'
Work is for losers. A winner says ‘that’s on my list and never commits to a deadline. – From Dilbert
Wrong time. Wrong Place. No free gift.
Yes George, I speak to God too . . . and She's pissed.
You never really learn much from hearing yourself talk.
You say bitch like it’s a bad thing.
You’re not the boss of me.
Your boss reached his/her position by being politically astute. Don’t turn your back. – From Dilbert
When did ignorance become a point of view? – From Dilbert
Your opinion, although interesting, is irrelevant.
Your penis is kind of nice; too bad you’re attached to it.
Youth is wasted on the young.
You've come to the wrong place.
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© Copyright 2007 Anne Weitze